Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
