Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
