Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
