i just google imaged poop.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
