While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
