fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
