ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
