There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van