He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals