Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...