dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.