Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag. http://tfl.nu/8spr
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (2129)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do? http://tfl.nu/dze2
  Replies (36) Good night (533) Bad night (1766)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW http://tfl.nu/xrjr
  Replies (9) Good night (792) Bad night (2206)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2575) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had. http://tfl.nu/ag2c
  Replies (98) Good night (2178) Bad night (22898)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies. http://tfl.nu/eijo
  Replies (20) Good night (7959) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT. http://tfl.nu/lt7f
  Replies (27) Good night (1124) Bad night (6203)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk
  Replies (13) Good night (6040) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up. http://tfl.nu/4jl3
  Replies (5) Good night (2529) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica. http://tfl.nu/fg5p
  Replies (4) Good night (892) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!" http://tfl.nu/xz2t
  Replies (5) Good night (542) Bad night (1146)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer. http://tfl.nu/wp0z
  Replies (11) Good night (1111) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic? http://tfl.nu/ja2v
  Replies (8) Good night (984) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  How drunk is she?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): How drunk is she? (1-612): She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her http://tfl.nu/dk7m
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum. http://tfl.nu/d0dn
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (571)

Randomize