I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.