forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
