That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!