If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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