hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need to stop coming to work sober
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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