i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
