A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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