He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
