you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
