hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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