Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
