Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
