my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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