even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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