Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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