So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
