Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
