where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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