My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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