Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
