I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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