So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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