I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
