Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
