***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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