I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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