i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
