Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.

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  (202): if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision. http://tfl.nu/8vkq
  Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.

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  (480): With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality. http://tfl.nu/1pex
  Replies (17) Good night (669) Bad night (5194) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.

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  (845): I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach. http://tfl.nu/7dp2
  Replies (34) Good night (1252) Bad night (5089) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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  (512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d
  Replies (16) Good night (4897) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (4732) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

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  (301): Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get http://tfl.nu/ews4
  Replies (64) Good night (4924) Bad night (1439) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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  (315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy
  Replies (8) Good night (2988) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.

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  (602): UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle. http://tfl.nu/69ov
  Replies (7) Good night (1638) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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  (860): could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper. http://tfl.nu/svv9
  Replies (12) Good night (1191) Bad night (2487) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.

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  (770): All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life. http://tfl.nu/y2ti
  Replies (4) Good night (805) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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  (503): He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long.. http://tfl.nu/2c8x
  Replies (4) Good night (1197) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.

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  (417): Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow. http://tfl.nu/if3b
  Replies (3) Good night (1414) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.

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  (773): you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening. http://tfl.nu/4psa
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?

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  (949): Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit? http://tfl.nu/15qi
  Replies (8) Good night (1305) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?

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  (310): Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public? http://tfl.nu/31zf
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt

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