Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
