but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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