We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
