i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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