Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
