Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
