considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize