The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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