Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
