I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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