I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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