let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Small penises have feelings too.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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