In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
