this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
