Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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