Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
