I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
