my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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