Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
