Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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