I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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