bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
