just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
