Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
