So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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