my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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