well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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