Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
