I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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