Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
