Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
