Screwed.edu
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
