she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
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so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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