Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
