and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
