Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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