It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
