You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
