I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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