He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
