butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
