Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
