The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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