Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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